By Ada Bravo
It can be very difficult to figure out the best way to tell family members new information about yourself that carries a stigma. Often times people feel very anxious around it because they are scared of the reaction that they will receive or of the new perception that their family will have of them. In Megans lecture, “Framing Kink and Paraphilia”, she talks about the different kinks that can make vanilla folks nervous. One of these could include polyamory.
Everyone’s experience will vary in significant ways depending on the families social construction. Some people might have a harder time, while others won’t. I will be using online sources of people who have shared their experiences of telling their families about their open relationship. I will give different examples of possible outcomes coming from a less excepting family, a neutral family, and a more excepting family.
Less Accepting: Philia Has a husband that her family really likes, but she decided that it was time that she told her family about their open relationship. She explained that her family has a strong Christian faith and she regrets telling them. She said that no one could understand polyamory and everyone was in tears after she tried opening up to them.
Neutral: Bryan and his partner decided that they did not like lying to people about their open relationship. Before telling anyone, they thought about all of the possible outcomes that they could receive. After telling his mom, he explained that she was supportive, But she was not understanding of it. He compared it to telling someone, “I eat chairs.” You don’t really care much, but you would think it’s a strange thing to do. (Donaldson)
More Accepting: Kamala explains that her mother reacted to polyamory in a very playful way. She joked around with her and told her that there are so many girls that can barely find one date but her daughter has found three. (Tsoulis-Reay)
Some advice that has helped others (Wheeler)
– Bring it up in a normal conversation.
– Say that you are in an open relationship, rather than saying you have multiple partners.
– let your family members ask questions and educate them.
– start off by telling a family member who you think will be more accepting of it.
– tell a family member that you think will slowly tell all the other family members (what Paul and Megan did to help tell his family)
Breaking Relationship Norms 