As a person learning about polyamorous relationships I am very interested in finding out what are some potential rules/agreements that people agree on. Every relationship will be different and will vary on rules/agreements because everyone is different. The whole point for the rules/agreements is to encourage communication, increase connection, have physical and emotional safety and reduce misunderstandings. The information I’m about to share are more like guidelines that can help you make rules that are healthy for your relationship.
It is suggested that you and your partners should know why you made those rules. Have a good reason of why you want to instill this rule. Acknowledge that the rules won’t stop you from feeling insecure or jealous and that they could change as the relationship continues to develop. Have rules that will allow you both to have a healthy and safe sex with your partners. The “Real Relationship Agreements, Rules and Contract by San Diego Polyamory Pod,” article written by Kamala Devi said something that I believe should be applied to all relationships. Be transparent when you want to talk about something and treat everyone with respect. This means don’t keep secrets, talk about the situation, but also be willing to listen. “What sorts of rules help make relationships successful?” had some great rules that focused on the things that you personally shouldn’t and should do. Don’t try to force relationships into something that they are not because no good will come out of it. Respect other relationships your partner has and don’t try to impose yourself on people. You should also respect the boundaries of other people. Just because you are in a polyamorous relationship it doesn’t mean that suddenly everyone lost their right to have privacy. Own up to your feelings and understand why you feel that way and talk to your partners about it, do not bottle it up. Don’t make rules that control emotions, instead try to focus on behavior. Try to reduce drama as much as you can. Some ways you can do this is by asking your partner if it is okay to talk about a different partner, not making assumptions about someone else and respecting or at least be civil around other partners.
In the “ZAPoly Discussion Topic: Relationship Agreements” it explains some things that you should not create. Don’t make rules that will affect your relationship in a negative way. Some rules that should be avoided are not having sex with someone else unless you are there. Telling your partner that they can’t fall in love with someone else. Making rules that you believe shouldn’t change ever (except if they are safe sex/emotional rules!).
Writing about specific rules would be difficult because everyone is different, thus everyone’s set of rules will be different! Instead I hope that with these few guidelines it can help others get started on creating rules that will impact the relationship in a positive way.
Make Love To Life. 2013. “Real Relationship Agreements, Rules and Contract by San Diego Polyamory Pod.” Retrieved June 9, 2019 ( http://www.kamaladevi.com/2087/san-diego-polyamory-pod-relationship-agreement-contract )
More Than Two. 2013. “What sorts of rules help make relationships successful?” Retrieved June 9, 2019 ( https://www.morethantwo.com/polyrules.html )
ZAPoly Discussion Topics. “ZAPoly Discussion Topic: Relationship Agreements”. Retrieved June 9, 2019 (https://polyamory.co.za/topics/relationship_agreements.html)
Breaking Relationship Norms 