I am doing research on polyamorous relationships because I find that it’s not really talked about in society. One topic that I was interested in learning were the tips and benefits of coming out as polyamorous. The articles and websites I am getting my information from explains how coming out can be a nerve wracking feeling for everybody because society tends to be hostile about it, but they also mention how to make it easier for you. Hopefully you find this helpful whether you are coming to family, friends, or a potential partner.

The benefits of coming out are that you don’t lie and you can be yourself. Another one is that people will know who your partners are! Coming out will bring more exposure to being polyamorous and can inspire or motivate others to do the same. Finally, you are more likely to meet others who are like you if you are out.

There are also some risks to coming out and they are losing friendships, being discriminated against at work or school, family members (children) feeling embarrassed, and several others. An article also mentioned to not come out in anger, as revenge, and when you are not ready! Do not come out if you feel unsafe, if someone has social or economic power over you, and if you feel like it’s not a good idea. There were so many suggestions on how to come out and there is no right way to do it, but I picked out a few that could be the most helpful.

The ZAPoly Discussion focused on the topic coming out and they suggest to pick out the people and order in who you tell! Don’t tell someone if you are not ready and if someone outs you, take charge. Be clear about who knows and whether discretion is needed. You can do it by writing a letter, and when you feel ready follow up in person. Be prepared in case someone has a negative response, with that being said don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or shame you. Understand that there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about being polyamorous, so some people might be misinformed. Elisabeth A. Sheff from Psychology Today, who wrote “Seven Steps For Coming Out to a (Potential) Sweetie as Poly,” suggests that before coming out to someone you try to see how informed they are about polyamorous relationships. Educate them before coming out, so that they will be more informed and are able to process it easier. In “Want to Come Out As Polyamorous to Your Parents, But Not Sure Where to Start? Try These 5 Tips,” in Everyday Feminism written by Miri Mogilevsky recommends answering questions they might have, but set boundaries around certain topics if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. There is not right or wrong way of coming out, and you should do it only when you feel ready.

Everyday Feminism. 2016. “Want to Come Out As Polyamorous to Your Parents, But Not Sure Where to Start? Try These 5 Tips.” Retrieved June 1, 2019 ( https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/telling-parents-abt-polyamory/)

Psychology Today. 2015. “Seven Steps For Coming Out to a (Potential) Sweetie as Poly.” Retrieved June 1, 2019 (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201506/seven-steps-coming-out-potential-sweetie-poly)

ZAPoly Discussion Topic: Coming Out Poly. “Coming Out.” Retrieved June 1, 2019 (https://polyamory.co.za/topics/coming_out.html)

Published by Polyamourous101

Gabriela Antezana is an undergraduate student of sociology at the University of California, Santa Cruz. She is a monogamous relationship but is interested in studying the dynamics of a polyamorous relationship and lifestyle. She identifies as a heterosexual woman and her pronouns are She/Her/Hers. Ada Bravo is a third year undergraduate student at UCSC, on her way to getting a BA in Sociology. Her pronouns are she/her/hers and she identifies as a heterosexual woman. She hopes to gain more knowledge on polygamous relationships and understand more about the things that their community go through. Natalie is an undergraduate student at UCSC and her pronouns are She/Her/Hers. She is excited to learn what society perceives about polyamorous relationships and about the external factors that contribute to those perceptions. Tammy:Pronouns- She/Her/Hers UCSC '20 (Interested in Learning more about Polyamory Relationships and the difference of perceptions on this topic across the U.S.

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